The first item to discuss would be my previous works in the fictional pub of "Schweiner's". Although these stories/bios provided me with much of my audience, I was getting tired of them. I was on the topic blogging with a special friend of mine, and she actually brought up that I should stop them before I did. At that moment, that was when I decided I was done with the series. In the creative universe of my mind, I just can't be forced to write about the same stuff for the sake of supply and demand (I get enough Schweiner's as is).
The second piece of business is related to that. I am actually writing one last bio on someone in the Schweiner's world that I have wanted to do since the beginning of the Schweiner's series. It's been an inside joke with myself until now- I am gifting this bio to myself, and everyone who enjoyed the series as a parting present. I hope you enjoy it.
This will be coming after I finish this idea that's been grinding in my brain forever. It's dedicated to that special friend of mine.------------------------------------------------------------------
For Madeline
Outside the City Limits
Her lungs subconsciously let escape a relieving exhale as she passed the infamous "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada" sign. Since its construction, the landmark had been the notorious gateway to the equally infamous 'City of Sin'. For everyone else, it was a retreat. She was going to retreat.
You see, there have been many others just like the young woman in the black car which now sped further outside the city limits. Her belongings were haphazardly packed a mere hour in advance, but she had everything she needed. Double-checking the list, she thought aloud:
1) Me.
"Check"
2) Money.
"Yes, I have money, Darling, but I have no time."
3) Starbucks.
*sip*
4) Car.
"It's a coupe."
5) Yoga mat.
"Sweat sponge."
6) Towels. [Every towel]
"Salvation."
7) Black Book
"..."
8) Snake.
"I just want to feel him."
9) Two-pack of Menthol Cigarettes. Smooth.
"I likes it Smooth."
10) Yoga clothes.
"I'm wearing them."
11) Water/Food/Things I don't need.
"This list should have ended at ten."
She stopped herself just seconds before her instinct to throw all of #11 out the window in a nonchalant manner took fruition. Instead, she navigated her hands to the power button on her car stereo and turned the volume up to the point where it would vibrate her entire soul. The CD-Player made a slight clicking noise as it began to read the disc. The first words came after a short, tranquil instrument sounded...
"Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivayaaaa.."
She lit up the first Smooth- the first of many Smooths on this journey forward.
On a fixed path, she carefully closed her eyes and disconnected from thoughts of speed and direction. Several seconds later, her Chi was in full alignment. It was in that very state that she received an epiphany from Yogi's and Yogini's of the past, present, and future, their voices blending in a perfect harmony. The event could only be compared to multiple recordings of Freddy Mercury's played simultaneously.
In fact, her vision was of a chorus of some sort of winged Freddy Mercury/Angel hybrids descending from a single column of sunlight, piercing through the eye of the darkest storm, and saving her from the impending Rapture with the power of the legendary silk machine we call his mouth.
As the Mercury's slowly floated near on, their appearances became clear, and now levitating before her eyes were three: Gautama Buddha, Mohandas Ghandi, and Frank Gantman. They spoke all at once, with one mind.
"We have noticed you, the one they call 'The DeAngelo'. Surely, you feel that inner desire to pose at nearly every waking moment, don't you? You have been chosen. Your Yoga is growing stronger every day, and at a faster rate than ever previously exhibited. Soon, you will reach the level of Grand Master, like we, and your powerful balance and grace shall transcend time and space... And, perhaps you'll go even... further."
Having concluded their deliverance, the trilogy slowly returned upward into the sky, like a balloon accidentally set free from a childish grip that loosened at the sight of another wonderful thing. The gurus were just barely visible, when one of the figures reversed his direction, heading toward The DeAngelo. Frank stopped at an arm's distance.
"Look, kid. I know you want to do it, so just do it. The whole class is watching." Frank grinned, then zoomed off to join the others waiting for him at the hilt of the spear of light. She could no longer see anything, and so she ended her vision.
The DeAngelo slowly awoke back into the world around her. Immediately, her eyes darted for the clock - not a full minute had passed. She pressed her back into the chair, the same way one would after slamming on the breaks because some douche bag cut them off at the last moment to make it on the 2-15 off-ramp to Durango. The vision had been so intense that she'd lost control of her breathing, and was now panting like she'd just broken the surface at the edge of a swimming pool to finish a race. Someone who didn't know how smooth a Smooth really was would have thought she was insane to take a drag of one after being that hyperventilated, but Smooth is as Smooth does, and that, she did.
A few minutes and verses of MC Yogi later, she was staring wide-eyed out at the road ahead, as if she was debating something important. Theoretically, if God had been observing the seemingly-boring scene, this would be the part where she (God's a She) would start drifting off and begin dreaming of what it'd be like having a penis, and just as she almost saw pitch blackness.... Action.
Our heroine scans every direction in search of witnesses, and with no peeping eyes, she accelerates, and with a swift arm motion, the car roars into high gear. On her next move, she grasps the first Galilean philosophy book within reach, unbuckles her seat belt, and replaces her foot on the gas with the heavily-worn tome. Maintain speed. Her hands slight the wheel with delicate precision, cautiously releasing more with each success.
"Stay on target... stay on target...", Red Leader from Star Wars mentally reminds her, as she lets go of the wheel completely and rushes the driver window open.
If every part of a human could move at a full-sprint, in this moment, The DeAngelo would be a full-blooded Kenyan. One second, she's seated inside a closed car, the next, her hands and feet are divided ,with one half on the open door, and the other on the vehicle. Springing up with force, she makes a thump on the roof, and lies there chest-down.
Something inexplicable happens. She puts on her blinders, and mildly gets on her feet in a way that makes it seem like the very forces of Earth are completely ineffective on this strange being they're contacting. She lowers her body to remove the yellow cowgirl boots on her feet, and uses her talents to go into one of her favorite poses with her eyes closed:
Natarajasana. feel the burn.
In Frank's voice of sarcasm, she speaks:
"Everyone see Maddie? Nice moves, Maddie. You're almost as limber as me, and I'm getting Senior discounts."
She seems to awaken:
"Asshole."
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Wow. That took 5 hours. At least I won't need to edit. Thanks for reading.
